I enjoy working with partners of all make-ups including but not limited to heterosexual couples, gay and lesbian couples, bi-racial couples, couples who have multiple partners, new couples, and couples who have been together for decades. While all of these connections place the relationship in a different cultural context (which is an essential consideration in therapy), they have in common the joy and pain that often arises in our most intimate human connections.

I have observed that many couples feel vulnerable when they begin therapy together. Even if a partnership is not in crisis, the pursuit of therapy often indicates that one or both partners acknowledge that there is something to be strengthened in the relationship or that certain dynamics need to be better understood or shifted. It’s not uncommon to fear that the therapist won’t see your perspective or that talking about the problems in the partnership may, in fact, make things worse. When I work with couples, I strive to help them gain a better understanding of what both parties are bringing to the table, both helpful and unhelpful, and why. Unfortunately, it’s never as simple as one person holding all of the responsibility! When there is more context for certain ways of being or communicating, there is an opportunity to reframe perceptions, increase compassion and rework behaviors.

In therapy with couples, I am listening intently while also watching nonverbal communication such as facial expressions and body language. I typically let the dynamic unfold naturally in the beginning to get a felt sense of what is at play and then I slow the process down and become more directive, building each partner’s ability to identify and acknowledge their own signs of impending dysregulation as well as their partners. Finally, I introduce psycho-education, tools and skills throughout to help facilitate behavioral change.

Some of the presenting concerns I work with are:

• episodic depression and/or anxiety in one or both partners

• feeling distant

• feeling too intertwined or enmeshed

• communication struggles and impasses

• arguing without resolution

• emotional outbursts from one or both parties

• perceived (or actual) imbalances in day to day tasks

• built up resentments

• emotional and physical intimacy struggles

• betrayals of many kinds including but not limited to infidelity

Occasionally, a couple will come to me who has already decided to part ways. Therapy can be incredibly useful in untangling what may have led to this decision so that the couple can move on with integrity and a fuller understanding of what transpired. This can be especially fruitful if both parties will be navigating co-parenting.